Go quickly, those little loaves of brown bread get cold real fast.
“Shelias” are females. “Blokes” are males. Outback Steakhouse is not up on the non-binary slang terms used in pseudo-Australian culture. Also, just use whatever bathroom you want. If anyone tries to say something, just stare them down and say, “that’s not a knife, this is a knife”. But, DO NOT HAVE A KNIFE. That’s crazy.
If you have trouble going while someone else is in the bathroom, just start quoting your favorite Yahoo Serious movie. Personally I like the scene in Young Einstein where he splits a beer atom. Just thinking about it puts me at ease.
The wait staff has to the sing their version of happy birthday to you if they are asked by someone in your party. But if you’re in the bathroom they can’t all fit inside. Therefore, as long as you are “pooping”, you can’t be sung at.
There are seven Outback Steakhouses in the state Iowa. If you poop in all of them and send your stamped “poopport” (think passport) to the Outback corporate HQ, they will send a certificate of achievement and a gift card for $30 to Red Lobster.
There is a special bathroom in the break room of every Outback Steakhouse. It’s only for the employee of the month. It has a gilded toilet seat and a personal DVD player. As a customer “in the know” you can ask to use this bathroom. Of course, only if Rob, the employee of the month, isn’t currently using it.
The Outback Steakhouse strives to give you an authentic “Outback” experience every time you go. So just like Australia everything in their bathrooms can kill you.
