- Before leaving your seat, loudly tell the people around you that you’ll be going to poop and you’ll need a synopsis of what happened while you are gone. Other’s are much more attentive when they know that they need to pay attention
- Some movie theaters have a special bathroom in back wall that you can keep a door open to continue watching the movie. It’s just like the way your dad set up the tv when you were a kid. It feels like home. Ask an usher if the theater you are in has one.
- If the concession stand line is really short on your way to the bathroom, go ahead and grab your popcorn. Not only will you save time getting back to your seat, but popcorn is a natural laxative
- On a date? Go quickly, your date doesn’t need to be responsible for all of your bags.
- While it’s never ok to use your phone in the theater, it is totally cool to use it while pooping at the theater. Live stream your experience. Your followers deserve to hear your thoughts on the movie you’re seeing in real-time.
- Study the movie schedule before you go. You’ll want to pick the bathroom nearest to your screen but doesn’t have a movie letting out anytime soon. It’s a complicated algorithm.
- Always use the bathroom nearest the Julia Roberts film. Great actress, but studies have shown that her fans are the most constipated, so that bathroom should be the cleanest.
- Remember to put your shoes back on.
