Remember that you can never really go home, except to poop. You can always poop there.
Your mom is always trying new air fresheners, this is the perfect time to see what happens when you mix “Ocean Breaze” with “Tropical Dreams”. Hint, it’s a kind of heaven.
Also, the ability to find out what medications your parents take, for future chances to “lord it over them”, is priceless.
Remove the answer key pages from the crossword and sudoku books your dad leaves in there. Replace them with heartfelt notes about all the times you and he had a catch. These are the moments you can never get back. Also, he’ll never know what 35 across was.
Take your bag in there with you. It’s time to “go shopping”. Need extra toilet paper? Toothpaste? Old spice cologne? Now’s your chance. Just don’t be greedy.
You know that new pet of theirs that they seem to love more than you now? Take it into the bathroom with you. Make it watch. It’s time that little bugger got what’s coming to him, right Scruffy, RIGHT?
Are you over there when no one else is home? Use the bathroom in their bedroom. You never got to use that one. Find out what all the fuss is about.
Use the guest towels. You don’t live there anymore, so technically you are a guest. Just remember which one everyone always used anyway and never said anything about, cause that one is disgusting.
If your dad didn’t already say it, remember to yell, “TURN ON THE FAN IN THERE, WHOOOOO!” It’s tradition.
