- complain loudly that it’s “not hard to flush after you go...” to absolutely no one.
- hum your favorite Beastie Boys track (I like Intergalactic) while going. It helps with the nerves.
- cover the seat with as much toilet paper as possible before sitting. As you sit, allow the change in air pressure to move the toilet paper, thereby canceling all of your work as you just sit down on a bare seat.
- are there other people in the restroom with you? You have two options. Wait for them to leave (not preferred). Strike up an intensely personal conversation with them making them feel uncomfortable staying (preferred).
- are the lights on one of those motion sensor timer thingys? You found out because you were in there too long. Eat more fiber.
- if the lights do go out, slam the stall door open with your foot so that it will bounce back and you can catch it. You’ll have one shot at this.
- remember to put your shoes back on before you leave.