Tips for pooping in the bathroom at the office:

  • always take your pants or skirt off and hang it on the door. Wrinkles are for schlubs. 
  • on a deadline? Bring your laptop with you. IT made sure that the WiFi reaches the bathroom. 
  • go ahead take that business call, but you are required to let everyone on the other end of the call know where you are. Exactly where you are. Like the actual GPS coordinates. 
  • doing fine until someone else walks into the bathroom? Clinch! Strain! Wait! Stay there forever. 
  • it can get pretty boring in there, but remember that you have Netflix on your phone. So...
  • put your shoes back on.